Ways to handle disclosure from a child
Do not disclose feelings of anger, shock and horror
Disclosing abuse is one of the hardest things for people to do and children cannot always differentiate between your anger at the abuser or the situation and anger towards them. We suggest remaining calm in the presence of the child and once you are away from them, allowing yourself the time to express those emotions.
Do not condemn the abuser
95% of the time children know their abuser. They most likely have a close relationship with them and even love them. Therefore, we suggest condemning the action, not the person, so that the child is not questioning themselves about why they liked or loved this person. Abusers are manipulative and often children feel as if they are to blame for what occurred, especially if it was someone they thought they could trust.
Do not make unrealistic promises to the child
Average sentences when convicted for sexual assault or rape remain low. Saying to the child, “We are going to find them and lock them up forever” is unrealistic. Predicting any kind of legal outcome is never a good idea because the child may feel as if they did something wrong if the abuser is not prosecuted.
Why is it difficult for some children to tell?
There are many reasons children do not disclose abuse.
- Children are taught to obey adults
- Developmental differences - the child may not know words to effectively describe the abuse, difficulty understanding the event, confusion of the time and space, misinterpreting reality and fantasy
- Confusion about appropriate touches
- Fear of parent’s anger or blame
- Fear of the consequences or that they will not be believed
- Fear of loss of privileges
- Guilt for feeling pleasure
- Fear of threats made by the perpetrator
