About the Grooming Process

1. The grooming process begins with the abuser building trust with the child and their family. The abuser’s main objective is to avoid being caught and therefore wants to make sure that he/she has the trust of the whole family. You will often hear people say, “We never would have thought he was an abuser” or “She was the nicest neighbor, always helping out with things.”
2. The next phase in the grooming process is when the abuser begins to bestow favors to the child and the family. For example, offering to babysit the children or buying the child a toy.
3. Step three of the grooming process is when the abuser starts to alienate other people in the child’s life. They may say things like, “I'm your best friend, and you don’t need to hang out with those other kids.”
4. The fourth step is demanding secrecy from the child. Abusers have many different ways of doing this. They sometimes threaten the child or tell them that they will hurt their family if they tell. Other times they convince the child that this is a special game just for them. Abusers use whatever they think will work with a child to get them to not tell about the abuse.
5. The final step is when the abuser actually violates the child’s boundaries and abuses them.

Indicators of Abuse (ages 2-13)

Listed below are some of the indicators of sexual abuse. Please note that one of these alone, does not necessarily indicate abuse.

• Withdrawing from others
• Public masturbation
• Wetting accidents
• Sexual play with toys
• Re-occurring stomach aches, headaches and sore throats
• Touching others private parts
• Eating changes (increase or decrease in appetite)
• Kissing and Hugging all the time (even with strangers)
• Speaking about body parts
• Difficulties with separation
• Sleeping difficulties or nightmares
• Having lots of worries
• Fighting
• Irritability
• Difficulty concentrating in school
• Intolerance of physical contact
• Role Reversal
• Specific fear of males or females