What is Consent? - WOAR - Philadelphia Center Against Sexual Violence

I don’t know how my story will impact anybody, but I know it needs to be told. And if this story reaches you, I am so proud of you and your strength. And if you haven’t heard it from someone else, I am so sorry this happened to you. YOU are a survivor. I am a survivor. We will get through this together.

Candice, Survivor

I needed to do a lot of rebuilding because that night broke me. I know I’ll never be able to forget the little I can remember, but I also know that I’m not broken anymore. I am more jaded and cautious. I’m also kinder, more understanding, more outspoken, and more resilient. Like a broken bone, I’ve healed stronger than I used to be, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have bad days too.

Maria, Advocate and Survivor

The fact that I said no makes it rape. The fact that I said stop makes it rape. The fact that I was drunk to the point that I could not speak makes it rape.

Kanesha, Survivor

The pain didn’t go away at midnight either. Two days later, I bolted out of bed, because lying in bed with my thoughts racing was making me feel trapped to the point of a panic attack. I caught my breath. I didn’t sleep. still hardly sleep. I don’t know if the bad days will ever go away entirely.

Britney, Survivor

The fact that I said no makes it rape. The fact that I said stop makes it rape. The fact that I was drunk to the point that I could not speak makes it rape.

Kanesha, Survivor

If you are going through a similar situation, listen to me: It is not your fault. Just because you are dating someone, doesn't mean you have to do something you aren’t comfortable with. Surround yourself with people that love and care for you. One day, you will find your soulmate who breaks down all your walls and really understands and cares about what happened to you. Hold your head up and be strong.

Kimberly, Survivor

Showing emotion about being abused? It's not well-accepted. As a Black man, you've been broken down so much that you have to put on a face of being strong. We have a lot of pain that is unattended to.

Brian, Survivor

I want to continue to help other survivors embody their potential. To keep going and not give up. Even though all our stories are different, we are more than capable of overcoming. I hope my clients see a mirror image of their courage when we lock eyes. I understand their experience. As my advocate, Diane was for me in my time of need, and I want to be for them.

Tammy, Advocate and Survivor

I questioned myself almost two years after my assault. I remember sitting during the presentation about sexual assault and feeling bad for all the survivors. They kept repeating “one in four,” but that number means nothing until you know the "one". Never once did I think it would happen to me. You are not the exception, and you won’t understand until it happens to you.

Teriana, Survivor

I have learned that victims come in all ways - some raped, some witnessing an act of violence, some losing loved ones. I learned that the solutions come by both listening to the people impacted by the crisis and by learning from historical experiences in other places.

Ana, Advocate and Survivor

Tammy, Advocate and Survivor

Reading stories from other men and hearing what they’ve become and accomplished after the abuse has uplifted me.

Scott, Survivor

Talking about it really does take back power from the trauma.

Danyol, Survivor

I have joy and hope in my life now that I never even thought I deserved.

Shar, Survivor

I had been hurting for so long, I thought that's just who I was. Now I know I'm so much more than my abuse.

Lupe, Survivor

I feel so proud of the work I did at WOAR. They helped me find the person I'm meant to be.

Ryan, Survivor

I think for me and possibly other men, it’s a huge pride thing—feeling like you have to be the man and face your problems and get over it.

Brad, Survivor

My daughter was raped by several boys at a party while she was unconscious. Photographs were taken and posted online…. prevention is not about self-defense classes, alcohol, or the way women dress. It is about fostering empathy and moral character in our children.

Parent of a high school student

WOAR’s counseling was exactly what I needed at the most vulnerable time in my life. WOAR helped me to stop shaking in the middle of the night. Your care and compassion is communicated to people immediately, and I’m so glad I waited the extra day in order to meet with a LGBT-friendly counselor. My sincerest thanks for everything you have done for me and continue to do for our community.

Serena, Survivor

Counseling has helped me so much. I've learned to be okay with my story of rape. I have always been so hard on myself to stay strong, don’t let the tears fall, and most of all- don’t let anybody see my pain. Counseling has taught me that it is okay to have my weak moments. I have learnt that there is strength in tears. And, I have learnt that it is okay to lean on safe people.

Melissa, Survivor

He was my first of many things. He was my first homecoming date, my first boyfriend, my first kiss, and my first assault. During my freshman year of high school, the athletic star of my hometown started passing me notes in class. We began dating, and I thought I was so lucky. One night, I fell asleep on his couch and woke as I felt him on top of me. I was confused for a couple of seconds until I felt his hands unbutton my pants. I panicked. I tried to make him stop. I froze, I pleaded with him, I told him it hurt, I said no. The only response that I heard was “This is what people in relationships do.

Krystal, Survivor

WOAR's free trauma therapy literally changed my life. I was able to get trauma-informed psychotherapy by a therapist who is highly trained in dealing with issues that survivors face. Through the process of EMDR, a therapy technique for survivors of trauma, and the next level of healing and awareness gained through the Survivor Advocacy Program, I have reclaimed myself as a woman, a mother and a wife. I am a SURVIVOR!

Jennifer, WOAR Keynote, Survivor Advocate

I encourage counseling when dealing with the emotions of this trauma. It can change everything about your story, and help you realize that what happened to you was valid and scary. Speaking for myself, there were many times I convinced myself it was my fault. But counseling and the facts made it apparent to me that it was not.

Pat, Survivor

I dialed the hotline and said, 'I was raped when I was 12 years old, and I need help.' I am so grateful for the kind person on the other end of the phone who chose to make my healing her business.

Tamika, Survivor

Do not internalize the abuse, because that will make it seem that the abuse is happening all over again.

Adam, Survivor

I have joy and hope in my life now that I never even thought I deserved.

Shar, Survivor

Understanding trauma is not just about acquiring knowledge. It’s about changing the way you view the world. It’s about changing the helping paradigm from “What is wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?

Sandra, Counselor and Survivor

WOAR counseled me and empowered me. What was done to me – what is done to any survivor – it takes power away from them. What WOAR does is give you the power back. WOAR is my family. They made a change in me and in countless others.

Victoria, Survivor

I was afraid of what people would think. I was ashamed that a man sexually assaulted me… that I didn't fight hard enough.

José, Survivor

When I was put in a fight or flight situation, I did neither. I froze. And I want to make it clear to other survivors that froze, you made it out alive. Your body protected you the best it could. You did everything right, and now you are a survivor. A SURVIVOR. Survivors of this kind of trauma should always remember it is never your fault. You did not choose this - no matter what people say or don’t say.

Candice, Survivor

Maria, Advocate and Survivor

Kanesha, Survivor

Britney, Survivor

Kanesha, Survivor

Kimberly, Survivor

Brian, Survivor

Tammy, Advocate and Survivor

Teriana, Survivor

Ana, Advocate and Survivor

Tammy, Advocate and Survivor

Scott, Survivor

Danyol, Survivor

Shar, Survivor

Lupe, Survivor

Ryan, Survivor

Brad, Survivor

Parent of a high school student

Serena, Survivor

Melissa, Survivor

Krystal, Survivor

Jennifer, WOAR Keynote, Survivor Advocate

Pat, Survivor

Tamika, Survivor

Adam, Survivor

Shar, Survivor

Sandra, Counselor and Survivor

Victoria, Survivor

José, Survivor

Rosa, Survivor

You are not alone. We believe you. You have someplace to turn. We are here for you.

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